Dennis Domrzalski (Dom-zal-ski) is one of the funniest and most entertaining
columnists and authors writing today. He rants against stupidity, hypocrisy,
mediocrity and conformity with a flair, blue-collar bluntness and hilarity
that no one can match. And his targets, whether they’re corrupted
bureaucrats, blowhard, talentless newspaper editors, or dim-witted
celebrities hate him because he makes them look like the losers they really
The Chicago native has been a newspaper reporter and
columnist for 23 years. His new comic novel, I Got Stinky Feet,
is an insanely funny attack on everything that is phony, pretentious and
politically correct in America.
For more about Domrzalski click on the “Home”
and “Q & A” buttons on top.
For more columns, click on:
n New Mexico for New Mexican losers.
n Archives for past columns
Read About It!
Get it at:
Barnes & Noble
Sometimes you just have to give
people what they want. And since it's Saddam Hussein that America's anti-war
protesters seem to want, we should oblige them.
So this is a call for
volunteers. Any of you anti-war women who want to be doused with gasoline and
lit on fire by Hussein's goons, step forward. There are thousands of Iraqi
women who are familiar with the stench of burning human flesh. They will
gladly trade places with you.
To all you college coeds,
scraggly-haired artists and Hollywood glitz types who are aching to be gang
raped, race forward. Thousands of Iraqi women have already endured this type
of affection from Hussein. They'd love to be here in the land of the free.
Since you love the guy, go get him.
All of you anguished poets who
are eager to have your necks stretched on Hussein's gallows, come on.
Although there are thousands of Iraqi men who can't trade places with you
because they're already dead, many of their friends and relatives will be
thrilled to substitute their lives for yours.
You student organizers who
believe in the nobility of being gassed to death by Hussein's death squads,
stop talking and march forward. Oops. Sorry, 100,000 Kurds--men, women and
children--have beaten you to it. Hussein got them in 1988. But come on,
anyway. Hussein and his pal, Chemical Ali, will be thrilled to gas you too.
Can you imagine the joy of choking, vomiting violently and having your eyes
blister up until you die?
There must surely be some
S&M practitioners in the anti-war crowd. Some of you gals must want to
have bare wires attached to your nipples and have the electricity turned on.
Thousands of Iraqi women are all funned-out on this practice. Take their
There must be hundreds of
thousands of you people who can't wait to be "disappeared" by thugs
from Hussein's murderous regime. It's not too late for you to be air lifted
into Baghdad. Hussein has already "disappeared" more than 230,000
Iraqis. He probably ran out of willing subjects for this fun game years ago.
He could use you.
Many in the anti-war crowd must be
dying to be terrorized by gangs of thugs armed with machine guns who race
around in trucks shooting innocent people. Hussein's got 50,000 of these
thugs trained to kill. They need more victims because most of Iraq's 26
million people are already terrorized. Go there and be their victims.
There are mothers and fathers
amongst you. Hussein loves to behead children. No doubt you'll want to offer
the heads of yours up to him.
There will be no volunteers, of
course. Although the anti-war people are hypocrites and apologists for
this murderer--and stupid--they're not stupid enough to give their lives for
what they believe in.
And what they believe is that a
man who tortures, gasses, rapes and kills his own people by the hundreds of
thousands should remain in power so he can torture, rape and kill hundreds of
thousands more Iraqis. They believe that it's immoral for the United States
to attack this sadistic fiend. They believe that it is moral for Hussein to
behead children, kill their parents and gas babies to death.
Oh, the anti-war people have the
right to march against the war and to exercise their free speech rights, but
the rest of us have the right to be sickened by them.
Sickened because at the
very instant they're enjoying freedom, they're selling it out. Sickened
because they are avowed enemies of human freedom, dignity, peace, justice,
love and of all the human rights they say they support. Sickened because they
make our freedom, security, peace, system of justice and respect for human
rights less secure.
Throughout human history most of
us have simply wanted to be free and to be left alone. In all that time there
have been tyrants and butchers who have wanted to enslave us and use us as
torture toys. There have been people who have fought and fought and fought
and fought the tyrants, giving their lives for the noble cause of liberty.
And there have been weasels and sellouts who have made excuses for the
butchers and killers.
demonstrators, however ignorant, stupid and misguided they may be, are making
excuses for this current mass murderer. And in doing so they're furthering
the cause of human butchery, rape and slavery.
We must tolerate these people,
but we don't have to like them. And we don't have to like what they stand
So start shouting down these
enemies of freedom. Call them what they really are, which are friends of
organized rape and murder. And when they denounce President Bush, tell them
they're supporting the murdering Hussein.
And ask them how they like their
poison gas: Mustard or Nerve?
© Copyright 2003 Dennis Domrzalski All Rights Reserved